so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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