Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
