Someone shit on the floor
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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