I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
