Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
