Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
