I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
