I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
