its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
