Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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