I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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