ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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