I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I can't turn off my feet"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
