omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
