is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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