i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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