I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
