I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My bed smells like the plague
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