At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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