What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Houston, we have a squirter
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
