last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
