Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
