my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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