And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
