Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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