I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
