I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
