dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
