he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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