I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
