Need sex. Gaining weight.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
worst night to have a conscience
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
