Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
