So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
