OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
