It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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