Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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