Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
