so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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