Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
