I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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