I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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