I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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