You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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