i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
