I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
