Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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