Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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