Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
