do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
