..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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