best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
it was like eating out sand paper
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
