They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
