did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
