____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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