After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
