I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
