new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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