btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
