Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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