Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
someone owes me an orgasm
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
