You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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