I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
