I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I look better un-naked...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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