i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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