Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
