What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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