i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
