just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
