so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
